The cannabis landscape is filled with hundreds of different ways to get baked. Let's discuss look at some of the more popular ways people are consuming cannabis, then make giant sweeping generalizations about them based on that preference. Here we go kids…
You just want to get stoned. You either smoke constantly and have a tolerance that rivals that of most dab fiends, or you have a very low tolerance and don’t really care how you get high; you just want to catch that buzz. You will smile as you light and relight the same joint stashed on your bathroom counter for the duration of the week.
You remember when weed used to be illegal. You like Cypress Hill and get a nostalgic rush when you smell the combination of tobacco and weed. The process of rolling the blunt is every bit as important as the blunt itself. You have a preferred wrap brand and flavor. If you haven’t smoked a grape swisher and watched Kat Williams' “Pimp Chronicles” please take this as a call to action to do so.
You smoke often and you have a time and place that you do it in. The room your bong is in is the stoner equivalent of the study you would drink your evening scotch in. The presence of a bong in a home increase the likelihood of incense by at least 50%. If you have a designated place for your bong that is not left in the open you are more than likely a functional stoner. If you leave your bong out in the open at all times it is very unlikely that you are caught up on your laundry.
Cannabis is a part of your personality and to varying degrees your identity. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. The most extreme example I can think of is my old friend Big Balled Buddha, a high times judge and the owner of a very impressive butt tattoo. The dude turned his entire ass into a peace sign and now charges people $5 to see it, donating all the money to orphans in South America. This is who I think of when I see a well cared for and treasured heady piece.
My lack of tolerance is surpassed only by the unlikelihood that I am a tiny cute girl with the lungs of Andre the giant. What the hell is it about doing yoga, going to festivals, and being “kind of” employed that gives some women the ability to smoke as much as snoop in his prime? If you’re a guy and you dab you probably have a favorite Incubus album and have increased odds of being weirdly athletic and coordinated without any training. Your name is probably Todd.
You aren’t afraid to go deep. There’s nothing lurking in your brain that you are afraid to run into. I envy this confidence. If you eat more than 250 milligrams at a time there’s a chance that you are in fact Joey Diaz. If you are Joey Diaz and you are reading this please keep up the good work @madflavor you bad motherfucker!
If you like this article, email us and tell me your knee jerk opinions on the way people choose to smoke. And as always, thanks Buds for reading!